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Rating:

Perfection from Nectar

Director Marty Zion has a habit of casting only the most devastatingly beautiful girls in his movies, and Perfection is no different. An all-girl sapphic sexathon, Perfection showcases Zion's high production values, stunning sets, use of multiple camera angles and of course, some pretty raunchy clitoral workouts...

Opening with a montage of all the goodies you will get to see throughout the movie, once your sexual taste buds are suitably tickled we see the ever-gorgeous Charlie Lane and her blonde plaything Tanya James flaunting their killer looks, naked save for their lingerie. Masturbation from both girls ensues but soon enough they are brought together and the leggy Tanya gets stuck into Charlie's shaven and highly-desired snatch. Not being a selfish lover, Charlie returns the favour and then plunges a toy deep inside, as Tanya rubs herself throughout, screaming for more. No need for Charlie to let her have all the toy penetration pleasure, in the final stages of their session she is on the receiving end of the by now sticky plastic phallus, as her orgasm closes the scene.

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Young Harlots: Riding School from Harmony Films

First a bit of a qualifier- I knows what some of yous are thinking. Girls, horses, y’know, girls, HORSES, nudge nudge, wink wink. Well you can stop thinking that right now. Let me set you straight- there is no horse-fucking in this film. Actually straight is the wrong word; there’s plenty of girl-on-girl… but no bestiality! No! Wrong! If that’s your (feed)bag then you’re barking up the wrong tree. Or whinnying up the wrong paddock or whatever. Go away, get yourself checked and buy a new My Little Pony or something. Y’big oddball. This is for normal people. Normal people who like seeing sexy girls in school-girl outfits being drilled by three-odd guys admittedly. But normal. My normal.

The film opens with a taste of things to cum. (Oh, the punnery you get in these reviews) Hot girls in riding and school girl outfits taking lots of cock and each other. Win. We then have Deniska reading from her diary (Kinda. It’s not her voice. No-one called Deniska has a posh English accent.) when two off the staff come and wordlessly present their dicks to her and she gets right to work a mere 2 mins in. She sucks hard and deep with lots of cock-in-cheek action. Despite being wordless you can tell that (at least one) of the guys is French as he gives plenty of “Yahs!” and “Oooo yah!” Rather than the more English “Yes” (or the very English “Gosh! That’s awfully nice! RaTHer!”) Deniska is soon stripped down (tie still on) and pounded whilst she chokes down dick.

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British Rich Bitches from Spice Studios

The parasitic ruling class hold us all hostage with their stranglehold on institutions and wealth! We, the people, must rise up and screw them, take control, take back what is ours! These snooty bitches are going down! Are you with me, comrades?

First up is a bit of tennis totty, which is 70s-Athena-postcard-tastic, although disappointingly this girl is wearing underwear (although not for long). Her bleached blonde hair with dark roots and the tattoo on her belly also makes one suspect that she is not as classy as all that. In any case, her tennis instructor pulls her down onto the court and she’s soon making a right racket (ho ho). Soon she’s got some cream for her strawberries. Same time next week?

The action moves to a house viewing where a parasitic rich bitch is refusing to even look in the kitchen, as it is no concern of hers – she has staff to do that kind of thing. Do your own washing up, missus! How dare you enslave the proletariat to do your job? But soon she’s showing that there are some jobs she will do – blow jobs.

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Sophiesticated from 21sextury

Being a huge fan of Hungarian hot thing Sophie Moone, I was more than happy to take a look at 21sextury's Sophieisticated. Actually, I'm generally happy to check out anything from 21sextury seeing as their titles are always filled to the brim with ludicrously beautiful European girls, who just happen to be cock-craving super-sluts too. You wont see Sophie fucked into a frenzy and being doused in dick juice here, this fair lady prefers the gentler sex, but you will see her in no less than six scenes of lesbian and threeway action. You'll have to settle for seeing the other stunners having their cock sockets thrust at and enjoying protein-packed facials, and it's no bad thing...

Opening with a full body shot of shapely Sophie in a sexy black outfit she tells us her intentions in her uber-sexy accent, “Let's find out other couples' bedroom secrets”, before declaring, “I'm gonna peep on this horny couple”. The blonde Budapest babe opens a door to reveal a couple going at it in the bedroom, and it's certainly getting her juices flowing. Not one for being shy, she joins them on the bed as the girl is taking a dick from behind and proceeds to caress her breasts as she takes thrust after thrust.

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Lee Nover 2 from In-X-Cess

Obviously not trying to gain any kind of artistic merit or win prizes for originality, Lee Nover has made a film that is more than a nod to the work of that cheeky chappy of Brit porn we all know and love, yep, no need to insult your smutelligence by divulging his name. Actually, it's a direct rip off of our favourite flagship gonzo guy but let's see what Mr. Nover has to offer all the same...

Lee and his pals are in the Czech Republic when their car breaks down. While deciding what to do about it they are confronted by stocky blonde Godiva who is wielding a cane which she wastes no time whipping one of the guys with. She seems to be disgruntled that a bunch of men are on her land but not once Lee's hung Czech stud whips his cock out. Godiva studies the rock hard phallus before wrapping her lips around it and blowing it awhile when a second cock comes into shot, she happily welcomes both pricks into her mouth and then the crew head of to her house to continue their carnal adventure. Sucking continues indoors, just back to the one cock now, but Godiva is soon bent over and boffed ready to be soaked in spunk. Randomly, the second cock arrives just in time for the cumshot, having no prior involvement during this indoor part of the scene matters little it seems and Godiva gets a double helping of ball cream in her face.

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Homemade Orgy from Home Movie Video Club

It's full on extreme amateur action in Home-Made Orgy - a film that does exactly what it says on the cover! Two ordinary women with extraordinary sex drives take on a room full of horny blokes in their quest to find the ultimate sexual pleasure, or at least, that's what I imagine their motivation was. There's little to no storyline or explanation here, just naked bodies, hard dicks and dirty girls, all going at it in these hot home-made scenes. The camera-work isn't all that, but the real life enthusiasm and the voyeuristic feel more than makes up for it.

Opening on a dungeon scene, we're introduced to the first of the dirty little minxes who make this film so racy. She plays with herself and teases the cameramen by flashing her ass and pussy as she bends over a bench. Dressed in black lingerie and stockings, this lady is working the housewife gone bad look to her best advantage, and even gets a bit of a spanking for being such a naughty girl. Her nice, big round ass is satisfying beaten with a riding crop, as wandering hands take the chance to sooth her reddening skin.

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Younger Girls, Older Guys from MSS Interactive

Admittedly, I have a thing for older guys, but there does come a point when a bloke stops being 'older' and just becomes, well, old. And even I find it hard to see the appeal there. In my opinion, the distinguished yet dirty blokes in this film generally fall into the second category, but that doesn't stop a bunch of well-known UK babes getting down and dirty with these granddads.

Still, it's interesting to see such well known Brit stars trying out such an under-explored niche, and the older man, younger girl theme provides some sexy and amusing scenarios.

The first scene sees busty babe Alexis May as a first timer on a photoshoot. Jim, the photographer, is so impressed by her assets (Aren't we all!) that he talks her into doing some hardcore work for him. Seeing as they're the only people in the flat, it makes sense that Jim takes the role of 'stud' in Alexis' first movie shoot.

For a newbie, she sure knows what she's doing as she swallows that dick right down and spreads her legs, allowing lucky Jim to slip his fingers into her tight snatch. Talking about how much she loves older guys, Alexis goes for Jim's length with real enthusiasm and they move effortlessly into a 69 with Jim explaining to Alexis about the different positions. Soon they're shagging on the carpet and we get a fantastic view of Alexis' bouncing butt. Delicious.

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Celebrity Shag! from Doll Theatre

I tell you- this job gives me a hell of a lot of “Is this terrible… or is this awesome?“ moments. This film featuring adult stars playing celebrities is, once more, both:

The first scene stars Karlie Simon, who makes a very attractive and surprisingly convincing Amy Winehouse complete with the right hair, fags, tattoos and that beauty mark. Amy is in rehab for sex addiction. (Oh Amy, Amy, don’t you have enough problems?) The treatment being prescribed is an “overdose” treatment. Huh. Sort of the sex equivalent of forcing a kid to smoke 40 cigarettes when you catch him smoking. Only instead of lighting up Amy is encouraged to open up. Quite literally- she sexily plays with her tits and fingers herself on a leather couch.

After seven minutes odd her sponsor, Ben Kelly, gets in on the action, shoving his dick down her mouth. They both talk dirty as Amy deep-throats before bending over to be spanked and fingered. Once sufficiently punished (this is rehab after all) they get back to the overdosing and Amy gets a good shagging.

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Over Thirty, Blonde And Dirty from Fig Productions

Fig Productions are back, with another excellent film introduced by Strictly News' own Agony Aunt and all-round awesome porn star, Starr, who gets her fantastic tits out as she tells us a bit about each scene, as well as starring in a scene herself.

Over Thirty, Blonde and Dirty is fairly specific about the kind of girls you'll find in this movie, so it won't be a surprise to see that Starr, Jessica Love and Faye Rampton are a tad older than your usual porn babes, have long golden locks, and, of course, they are all a filthy as hell.

If that sounds like a winning combination, you won't want to miss this great British flick, which opens with a frustrated Jessica Love whose being ignored by her football-loving boyfriend. The games on and he's just not interested in Jessica. That is, he's not interested until half-time, when he gets his already hard dick out to keep Jessica happy.

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Mania: The Secret Of The Green Tenticle from MMG Anime

Ok. Quick question. Are cartoons sexy? Have you, for example, ever been aroused by the Cadbury's Bunny? Did you harbour a secret desire for Cheetara off-of ThunderCats? Did your thoughts get fruity when the Little Mermaid got legs? If the answer to any of these is yes then read on. If, on the other hand you find it deeply odd that dancing ink and paint lines could hold a candle to real chicks then you perhaps wanna stop reading here. Oh, and if you found the girl car off the Transformers sexy? Then you’re just weird, dude.

Mania: Secret of the Green Tentacle is a fairly generic example of Hentai. Hentai, in case you didn’t know is the Japanese word for “abnormality” and we in the West have picked it up as a slang term for “Jesus Christ, what is it with the Japanese and cartoons of girls being triple-penetrated by tentacle monsters? What the hell, man?” If my half-serious comment gives you some idea of what’s in store then your powers of deduction are strong, Holmes.

We open with some long green dick-like tentacles swimming towards the shore. Ominous. Then we see our “heroes”. Mania is your typical hentai-girl; she has massive balloon-like breasts that defy gravity, tiny waist, huge eyes, a Barbie-spine (a spine that can support such an improbable body) and hair of unnatural hue. Less typically she’s a black girl - by that I mean she has the right skin pigment as the rest of her features match the ethnicity of no woman alive. Her very-very white newly-wed husband, John, is a useless geek. The pair get shipwrecked and both attempt to forage for food.

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